The Malaysian Ministry of Health is now asking the public to be on
the lookout for symptoms of the following new contagious diseases.
ASSMA
Severe rashes around the mouth caused by kissing too much ass.
The number-one disease in Malaysia amongst civil servants.
DIALARRHOEA
Uncontrollable urge to continually dial friends on mobile phone
to share with them such important information as “I’m now on the
monorail”or “I’m walking towards the car.” Victims can be recognized
by large, twitching thumb.
Blotchy skin condition caused by eating too many packets of
instant noodles.
MULTIPLE SPOUSOSIS
Affliction whereby victims make frequent trips to Vietnam,
Thailand,Indonesia, and China to take on additional brides.
Middle-aged men are at significant risk.
YELLOW FEVER
Compulsion to date Asian females. Very common affliction
amongst foreign celebrities and caucasian expatriates working in
Malaysia. Also known as Pinkerton’s Disease.
EKOR-TOTONUS
Flushed complexion, high blood pressure and sometimes depression
at finding out one has not won any gaming numbers and lotteries.
HEAVYTITIS
Excessively large breasts. This disease comes in several
variant strains…….. Heavytitis A; Heavytitis B; Heavytitis C, and
sometimes Heavytitis DD.
CYBERTENSION
Feelings of stress and panic caused by lack of internet access.
A compulsive need to colour one’s hair. Reddish brown tints
are the most common symptom, but health authorities have reported a new
strain of blond highlights.
CHICKEN TOX
Victims exhibit a great need to talk ****. Highly contagious.
Spread by ordinary conversation, and may be exacerbated by good food
and alcohol. Politicians and lawyers are especially susceptible.
Incurable.
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